So… Is This Menopause Already? My Body’s Quiet Shift
I didn’t have some dramatic “aha” moment where I suddenly knew I was in perimenopause.
It was quieter than that.
It started with something small but huge at the same time: I missed my period.
For context, my cycle has always been regular. The only times I ever missed a period were when I was pregnant. So when a whole month passed and nothing happened, I felt this strange mix of calm and alarm.
Part of me thought, “Okay, this might be it. This is probably perimenopause.”
Another part of me still expected my body to “correct itself” the following month.
It didn’t.
The next cycle, instead of my usual strong, heavy flow, I got tiny spots. On and off. For about two weeks. Not enough to call it a real period, but just enough to remind me that my hormones are clearly doing something new.
That’s when it became real in my head:
I’m officially entering that stage. Menopause is not a future concept anymore. It’s happening.
The Body I’m Living In Now
Here’s where it gets messy and real.
Along with the missed period and spotting came a bunch of other things:
- The cravings
I don’t know what switch turned on, but wow. The cravings are intense. It feels like my body is constantly asking for comfort food. And no, it’s not asking for carrots and cucumbers. Of course, this shows up on the scale and on my waistline. - The bloating and the belly
I’m bloated almost all the time. My tummy sticks out in a way that honestly makes me look like I’m about six months pregnant. It’s not just hormones either—I have a freelancing career, which means I’m sitting most of the day. Not exactly helping the situation. - The hair story
My hair keeps thinning. I see strands on the floor, on my pillow, in the shower. Every time I wash or brush, it’s there. The only thing that comforts me is seeing tiny new hair growing in. But when I look closely… a lot of them are gray. So yes, I’m shedding and sprouting at the same time—just in a more “mature” color. (I believe I’ve already shared this in one of my blog posts here. You can also check it out on Medium.)
All these changes pile up and some days I really don’t feel good about how I look. There are moments I catch my reflection and think, “Who is this version of me?”
The Surprising Part: My Emotions
What’s funny (and unexpected) is that emotionally, I don’t feel as dramatic as before.
I used to have big emotional swings—PMS that felt like a roller coaster, random crying, getting easily triggered by little things.
Now, it’s different. I feel less explosive. Less intense. It’s like the volume of my emotions has been turned down a bit. I’m not emotionless; I’m just… not as up-and-down as before.
Sometimes that feels like relief.
Other times, it feels a bit strange, like I miss the version of me who felt everything so strongly.
I’m still trying to adjust to this new emotional landscape.
The Part I Don’t Like Admitting
Here’s the part that doesn’t sound pretty, but it’s true:
Entering menopause is scary for me.
There are days when I feel:
- Ugly
- Old
- Insecure
- Left behind by my own body
The bloated belly, the weight gain, the thinning hair, the gray strands, the irregular periods—it all chips away at how I see myself as a woman. There’s a voice in my head that sometimes whispers, “You’re fading.”
And that hurts.
But There’s Another Side to This
The more I sit with these feelings, the more another truth keeps tapping me on the shoulder:
I am lucky to be here.
Reaching this age, entering this phase—this also means I’ve lived. A lot. My body has carried me through so many seasons: youth, heartbreaks, work, pregnancies, motherhood (if that’s part of your story), late nights, stress, laughter, everything.
This stage is not a punishment. It’s a transition.
I’m slowly trying to see it that way:
- Not as my body “betraying” me
- But as my body moving into a different chapter
No, I don’t love every symptom. I don’t love the belly, the constant bloating, the hair situation. But I’m learning to be more gentle with myself instead of fighting my body all the time.
Learning to Be on My Own Side
Here’s what I’m trying to do these days (not perfectly, but intentionally):
- Speak to myself more kindly when I look in the mirror
- Accept that my body is changing, and that doesn’t make me less of a woman
- Remember that aging is actually a blessing—not everyone gets the chance
Some days I still feel ugly and insecure. Some days I feel okay. And some days, I even feel proud—because despite everything, I’m still here, still showing up, still willing to talk about it.
If You’re in This Phase Too
If any of what I shared sounds familiar—missed periods, weird spotting, cravings, bloating, weight gain, hair thinning, gray hair, emotional shifts—I just want you to know:
You’re not alone.
You’re not weak.
You’re not “failing” at aging.
You’re just a woman whose body is doing what bodies do: change.
We don’t have to like every part of it. But maybe we can learn to walk through it with a bit more honesty and a bit more kindness toward ourselves.
And maybe that’s what this season is really asking from us:
Less judgment, more compassion.
If you’re somewhere in this transition too, I’m right there with you—one missed period, one bloated day, one new gray hair at a time.
