Perimenopause Advice for My Younger Self

Jean Ocampo on January 12, 2026

Oh, sweetheart.

You’re stronger than you think.

I know you’re juggling so much. You’re raising kids, climbing ladders, smoothing over tension at dinner, laughing at things that aren’t funny, and carrying everyone’s needs like it’s your job to hold the world together.

Here’s the thing: you feel like your body is starting to betray you—weight that won’t budge, moods that feel like storms, sleep that comes and goes like a bad date. You haven’t called it perimenopause yet, but those are the early whispers. It’s coming. This is the perimenopause advice for my younger self I wish I could have heard then.

So, before it does, here’s what I want you to know:

Perimenopause Will Change Your Body—And That’s Okay

Perimenopause advice for my younger self begins here: Your breasts will change. Your sleep will get weird. Your skin will surprise you. And yes, your jeans may not fit.

Still, none of this means you’re broken.

You’re evolving. Even in her confusion and chaos, your body is trying to protect you. Once you stop fighting her, peace gets closer.

Your Worth Has Nothing to Do With What You Produce

You don’t have to earn your rest or prove your usefulness to deserve care. And you certainly don’t have to be exhausted to feel valuable.

Eventually, you’ll learn to rest without guilt. But don’t wait until your body forces you to.

Speak the Truth Sooner—It Matters in Perimenopause

Say no. Ask for help. Let the people you love know what you need before resentment builds.

You think being low-maintenance makes you easier to love. Maybe you learned that from a parent, a partner, or a culture that praised your silence. However, it doesn’t. It makes you disappear.

You Will Outgrow People—That’s Part of Perimenopause, Too

Friendships will fade. Some bonds will break when you stop contorting yourself to fit. Let them go. What comes next is better.

The right people won’t need a watered-down version of you.

Aging Won’t Make You Invisible—It Makes You Undeniable

It won’t make you invisible—it will make you undeniable.

Eventually, you’ll stop obsessing over your thighs and start noticing your power. The light in your eyes. The steadiness in your voice. Soon, you’ll care less about being understood and more about understanding yourself.

There is a power coming that you can’t even imagine.

Trust the Woman You’re Becoming Through Perimenopause

She’s fierce. She’s soft. She’s done performing. Most of all, she knows things now—things only time, loss, joy, and the radical act of choosing herself could teach.

Believe me—she is worth becoming.

So please, don’t rush to fix what doesn’t need fixing.

Instead, keep going. Step by step. One truth at a time.

Because you’re already becoming her.

Why Menopause Makes Family Drama Feel So Much Bigger

Jean Ocampo on December 30, 2025

One minute I was discussing sweet potatoes. The next, I was in the bathroom sobbing.

I didn’t used to be this reactive. That’s what I told myself after snapping at my sister over a holiday menu. Or crying in the bathroom after a passive-aggressive comment from my mother. Or storming out of a room I used to feel safe in. It wasn’t just them. It wasn’t just me. Something deeper was happening—something hormonal, emotional, and primal all tangled together.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not overreacting. You may be navigating a collision between menopause and long-standing family dynamics—two powerful forces that shape our identities and push all our buttons, often at the same time.

This is for every woman who feels like she’s unraveling in front of the people who are supposed to love her. If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I handle this like I used to?” — here’s the truth: your body is changing, your emotional wiring is recalibrating, and your tolerance for dysfunction is disappearing. That’s not a breakdown. It’s a reckoning.

Let’s unpack why.

The Hormonal Storm Beneath the Surface

Perimenopause and menopause aren’t just about hot flashes or irregular periods. They’re complex neurological, psychological, and emotional transitions that change how you interpret tone, regulate emotions, and respond to stress.

Estrogen and Emotional Regulation

Estrogen affects the brain’s limbic system—especially the amygdala (your fear and emotion center) and the prefrontal cortex (your reasoning and impulse control hub). When estrogen levels fluctuate, so can:

  • Your emotional regulation
  • Your sensitivity to stress
  • Your capacity for patience

Research shows that estrogen receptors in these areas influence how we experience and manage emotions (Barth, Villringer, & Sacher, 2023).

Progesterone and Your Calming Center

Progesterone, often considered the body’s natural sedative, supports GABA—a neurotransmitter that calms the nervous system. When progesterone drops, you may feel:

  • More anxious
  • Overwhelmed
  • Sleep-deprived (and we all know how sleep deprivation amplifies emotions)

Cortisol and Chronic Stress

When you combine low progesterone, fluctuating estrogen, and high cortisol (the stress hormone), it’s like walking through an emotional minefield. Small comments hit hard. Old wounds feel raw. You may think, “Why am I so sensitive right now?”

Importantly, the menopause transition is recognized as a vulnerable time for mood changes—not just physical ones. Emotional reactivity becomes more common (Harvard Health Publishing, 2023).

When Hormones Meet Family History

Let’s move beyond hormones to the people around you.

When your aunt comments on your weight, or your brother minimizes your exhaustion, it’s rarely about that single moment. It’s about years—sometimes decades—of emotional labor, unspoken pain, and invisible expectations.

Menopause often strips away the emotional filters we once relied on to keep the peace. Things we tolerated for years suddenly feel unbearable. That’s not regression. That’s clarity.

The Invisible Labor of Midlife Women

Midlife women carry the emotional load for everyone:

  • Caring for aging parents
  • Supporting kids or adult children
  • Managing relationships or divorces
  • Holding space for others—while quietly burning out

Now your body is asking for something else: rest, recalibration, and radical honesty. That shift alone can rattle family dynamics.

Nina, 52, told me she left Thanksgiving early after her sister made a ‘joke’ about her mood swings. “Ten years ago, I’d have laughed it off. This year? I packed my pie and left.”

When Emotional Flooding Takes Over

Emotional flooding occurs when your nervous system gets overwhelmed. You might:

  • Feel hot, dizzy, or flushed
  • Want to leave the room
  • Struggle to speak
  • Cry unexpectedly
  • Go completely numb

This isn’t drama. It’s your body saying: “This is too much.”

Research links negative or tense relationships with close family members—especially parents, siblings, or partners—with depressive symptoms and lower psychological well-being in midlife adults (Gilligan, Suitor, Rurka, & Pillemer, 2017).

Why Boundaries Matter More Than Ever

Most of us weren’t raised to set boundaries. We were taught to be nice. To please. To shrink so others could stay comfortable.

But midlife—especially with hormonal upheaval—requires a different approach.

What Boundaries Really Are

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re filters. They protect your energy, peace, and nervous system.

A boundary might sound like:

  • “That comment isn’t helpful.”
  • “I’m not available for this conversation right now.”
  • “I need some time to myself.”

They are clear, kind, and non-negotiable.

How to Protect Your Emotional Safety Around Family

Here are some powerful ways to support yourself during triggering moments:

1. Anticipate Your Triggers

  • Know your “hot buttons”
  • Decide ahead how you’ll respond
  • Let someone safe help support you

2. Use Grounding Tools in Real Time

  • Press your feet into the floor
  • Put a cold object on your neck or wrist
  • Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6

3. Give Yourself Permission to Leave

  • Step away. Take a walk. Decline the invite. Presence isn’t a performance.

4. Don’t Explain Boundaries to People Who Benefit From You Not Having Them

  • If someone keeps crossing the line, you don’t owe them endless explanations. State it once. Hold it firmly.

When the Drama Comes from Inside the House

Sometimes, it’s not your aunt or cousin. It’s your partner. Your grown child. Your parent living in the guest room.

Even the most loving relationships can feel strained when menopause enters the mix. Hormonal shifts, identity changes, and physical symptoms ripple into intimacy, communication, and patience.

Emotion regulation isn’t one-size-fits-all. We manage emotions differently depending on the relationship—whether with a parent, partner, or sibling. That’s why close family interactions can hit harder (Günther & Baucom, 2021).

You’re not wrong for needing more softness, space, or solitude.

Support Is Out There

  • Consider couples or family therapy
  • Try guided apps like Paired or Lasting
  • Use “I feel __ when __ because __” to clarify emotions without blaming

What Healing Actually Looks Like

Healing in menopause isn’t about everyone suddenly treating you better. It’s about:

  • Trusting your instincts
  • Honoring your emotional signals
  • Grieving what’s no longer working—without guilt
  • Making peace with being misunderstood by people unwilling to grow

You’re not hard. You’re clear.

This Chapter Is Yours to Rewrite

Menopause is more than biology—it’s a reset. A chance to:

  • Decide how you’re treated
  • Stop over-explaining your needs to people who won’t listen
  • Choose relationships that honor your growth—not guilt you into old roles

So let your triggers teach you—not trap you.
Let your anger guide you—not consume you.
And let your changing body lead you—toward peace, not performance.

Your Next Step

If family dynamics feel unbearable lately, start here:

  • Name your top three triggers
  • Set one boundary
  • Practice nervous system safety
  • Seek therapy or community support

You’re not broken. You’re transforming. And this version of you? She’s not angry—she’s awake.

Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your healthcare provider before making decisions about hormone therapy, mental health treatments, or lifestyle changes. Everyone’s experience with menopause is unique, and personalized care is essential.

References
Barth, C., Villringer, A., & Sacher, J. (2023). Sex hormones affect neurotransmitters and shape the adult female brain during hormonal transition periods. Brain Sciences, 15(9), 1003. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci15091003

Gilligan, M., Suitor, J. J., Rurka, M., & Pillemer, K. (2017). Family networks and psychological well-being in midlife. Research in Human Development, 14(1), 18–33. https://doi.org/10.1080/15427609.2017.1285865

Günther, A., & Baucom, B. R. (2021). Emotion regulation in close relationships: The role of individual and relational factors. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 697901. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.697901

Harvard Health Publishing. (2023). Menopause and mental health. Harvard Health.https://magazine.hms.harvard.edu/articles/mental-health-aspects-menopause

Why Do We Whisper “Menopause” Like It’s a Curse Word?

Jean Ocampo on December 21, 2025

I once overheard a man at a dinner party say, “My wife’s going through… you know, that phase.”

He said it like she had a contagious disease.

No one asked what he meant. The women at the table exchanged glances. The men looked uncomfortable. And the conversation moved quickly onto the wine list.

That moment stuck with me—not because it was shocking, but because it was so… normal. It was a reflection of how deeply menopause stigma is embedded in everyday life.

Menopause. The word we don’t say. The reality we don’t talk about. The life chapter millions of women go through, often surrounded by people who love them—and yet still feel completely alone.

So, let’s talk about it. Loudly. Because the stigma around menopause doesn’t just hurt the women going through it. It shapes the way families, partners, and entire communities respond (or don’t).

What Is Menopause—And Why the Silence?

  • Menopause marks the end of a woman’s menstrual cycle.
  • It’s officially diagnosed after 12 consecutive months without a period.
  • The average age of menopause in the United States is around 51, though it varies among individuals (Cleveland Clinic, 2024).
  • According to the Cleveland Clinic, symptoms often start years earlier, during a phase called perimenopause, which can last anywhere from 4 to 10 years (Cleveland Clinic, 2025).

Hot flashes. Mood swings. Sleep disruptions. Brain fog. Vaginal dryness. Loss of libido.

These symptoms aren’t just “women’s issues”—they impact households, relationships, work lives, and mental health.

Still, we whisper. We joke. We dismiss.

Why?

Because we’ve been taught to fear aging, to devalue women’s bodies as they change, and to pretend that anything connected to female hormones is irrational, embarrassing, or shameful.

The History of Hushed Tones

Let’s be honest: the stigma didn’t start with our generation.

Historically, menopause has been portrayed as a form of female decline. In Victorian times, women experiencing symptoms were often diagnosed with “hysteria.” And up until the late 20th century, many medical texts described menopausal women as emotionally unstable, even unfit for work or relationships (Lock, 1993).

Is it any wonder we learned to keep quiet?

Today, despite progress in gender equality, menopause remains a stubborn blind spot.

According to a 2025 Astellas global study, 59% of people still view menopause as a taboo subject, and 57% of women said they felt unsupported at work during this transition (Astellas, 2025).

The Real-World Consequences of Menopause Stigma

Stigma isn’t just an awkward dinner party moment—it’s a public health issue.

When women feel they can’t talk openly about what they’re going through, they’re less likely to:

  • Seek medical help
  • Access accurate information
  • Get support at work or home
  • Advocate for themselves in relationships

This silence leads to increased isolation and emotional strain. It reinforces misinformation and discourages conversations that could offer support (HealthyWomen, 2025).

Worse yet, silence creates a ripple effect. Partners don’t understand what’s happening. Children notice tension but don’t know why. Coworkers misread behavior. And the woman at the center of it all begins to question her own worth.

“She Changed Overnight”: When Loved Ones Don’t Understand

Sarah, 49, told me:
“My husband thought I was angry all the time. I wasn’t. I was exhausted. I was drenched in sweat every night, my brain felt scrambled, and I hadn’t slept well in weeks. I didn’t know how to explain it—and he didn’t ask.”

Stories like Sarah’s are not rare. And while specific data on partner responses is limited, experts agree that when menopause isn’t openly discussed, loved ones may misinterpret symptoms as personality changes or emotional distance (Northwell Health, 2025).

When confusion meets silence, frustration follows.

How Menopause Stigma Affects Support at Home and Work

Imagine this:

  • Every high school student learns about menopause like they do puberty.
  • Sitcoms portray it with empathy—not punchlines.
  • Partners ask, “How can I support you?” instead of backing away in confusion.

That’s not fantasy. That’s the future we can build—if we stop whispering.

The Role of Partners and Families in Breaking the Silence

You don’t need a medical degree to support someone through menopause. What you do need:

  • Curiosity — Ask questions. Learn about the symptoms.
  • Patience — Mood swings and sleep disruptions aren’t personal attacks.
  • Empathy — This is a profound physical and emotional shift. Validate that.
  • Advocacy — Speak up when menopause is mocked or dismissed in your circles. Support awareness campaigns at work or in your community.

When partners show up—not just physically, but emotionally—it changes everything.

What Workplaces, Communities, and Cultures Must Do Next

According to a 2024 Catalyst report, more than half of menopausal women say their symptoms negatively affect their work—and yet only 11% feel comfortable discussing it with their employer (Catalyst, 2024).

We’ve built family leave policies, mental health days, and DEI initiatives. Now, it’s time to add menopause support:

  • Flexible work hours during intense symptom phases
  • Menopause education as part of HR training
  • Open forums and employee resource groups
  • Visible support from leadership

Likewise, community centers, churches, and schools—every space where people gather—can help normalize the conversation (UOC, 2025).

Let’s Talk About Menopause at the Dinner Table

Menopause isn’t a dirty word. It’s not a punchline. It’s not a reason to pity someone or tiptoe around them.

Instead, it’s a transition. A normal, biological part of life that deserves the same compassion, curiosity, and conversation we give to other health topics.

And here’s the thing: when families talk, when partners lean in instead of backing off, when workplaces adapt, when communities listen—women thrive (Menopause Global Alliance, n.d.).

Your Next Step: Be the Loud One in the Room

Here’s your challenge:

  • Say the word. Out loud. Around the dinner table. With your kids. At work.
  • Ask your partner, mother, or friend how they’re feeling—and really listen.
  • Speak up when someone makes a joke or dismisses menopause symptoms.
  • Start a conversation at your workplace or community group about how to support women during this transition.

Because change doesn’t begin with policy. It begins with voice.

Yours.

Let’s stop whispering. Let’s start owning the conversation.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health, especially related to medication, hormones, or sexual wellbeing. Every woman’s body is different, and what works for one may not work for another.

References

Astellas. (2025). New research reveals impact of menopause stigma. Astellas Pharma Global Newsroom. https://newsroom.astellas.com/2025-03-07-New-Research-Reveals-Impact-of-Menopause-Stigma

Catalyst. (2024). Menopause in the workplace: Addressing stigma and support. https://www.catalyst.org/insights/2024/address-menopause-stigma

Cleveland Clinic. (2024). Menopause. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21841-menopause

Cleveland Clinic. (2025). Perimenopause: Age, stages, signs, symptoms & treatment. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21608-perimenopause

HealthyWomen. (2025). How the stigma of menopause and aging affect women’s experiences. https://www.healthywomen.org/your-health/stigma-of-menopause-and-aging-affect-womens-experiences

Lock, M. (1993). Encounters with aging: Mythologies of menopause in Japan and North America. University of California Press.

Menopause Global Alliance. (n.d.). Breaking the silence: Menopause stigma around the world. https://menopauseglobalalliance.org/breaking-the-silence-menopause-stigma-around-the-world/

National Institute on Aging. (2024). What is menopause? U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/menopause/what-menopause

Northwell Health. (2025). Why menopause stigma persists—and how to end it. https://www.northwell.edu/katz-institute-for-womens-health/articles/women-stigmatized-over-menopause

UOC – Universitat Oberta de Catalunya. (2025). Ten actions to reduce discrimination faced by women during menopause. https://www.uoc.edu/en/news/2025/actions-to-reduce-discrimination-faced-by-women-during-the-menopause